"You made me confess the fears that I have, But I will tell you also what I do not fear. I do not fear to be alone or to be spurned for another or to leave whatever I have to leave. And I am not afraid to make a mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake, and perhaps as long as eternity too."
Throughout the book we see Stephen criticizing himself over every minute detail: women, social life, actions, religion, etc. We see him constantly punishing himself because he felt that everything he did was somehow bad and he needed to repent. However, I think that it is in this moment that Stephen finally realizes that it is okay to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes instead of struggling with himself over them. I think that while Stephen's epiphany at the end of chapter 4 is significant to his coming of age, I would also argue that this passage (and the ones surrounding it) were as, or maybe even more, significant. He has finally come into acceptance that all of the mistakes he had made in his past were not all pointless and that he gained valuable knowledge and experience from them. I think that he no longer regrets any of the previous choices he had made. This quote just further proves the point that Stephen in no longer scared to dedicate his life to the arts, even if it's a mistake he will have to live with for the rest of his life. He has personally discovered what he wants to do and there isn't anything, not even his fears, that will stand in his way. This includes sacrificing his friendships and going against his mother's wishes. In this quote I feel that not only has he firmly persuaded the people around him that he wants to become an artist, but he has finally officially convinced himself that this is the right thing to do. Instead of doing what people think would be the right thing to do, like becoming a priest, Stephen has decided that even if he has to be alone while doing it, he wants to follow his heart by dedicating himself to the arts. He is willing to leave everything behind for it, especially his home country, and I think that this is an enormous step in the novel about coming of age.
I remember this quote—it was from Stephen's conversation with Cranly in chapter 5, right? I think I had a similar reaction as I read it. The epiphany at the end of chapter 4 might be the climactic point of the novel as mentioned in class, but this quote is Stephen explicitly stating it aloud (which doesn't happen a lot in the earlier in the book).
ReplyDeleteI really like the quote and the analysis you did. I thought the wording used was really interesting also, instead of using straight up parallelism Stephen/Joyce ends and starts the next sentence with "do not fear" then includes the phrase "not afraid." While they have the same meaning, it changes the flow of the sentences and really makes it stand out. Great post!
ReplyDeleteI also loved this quote, and I'm really glad you mentioned it. It also stood out to me, just because of the enormity of the decision that Stephen is making when he says it. We talked in class about how he is acknowledging his belief in a God, but also that he will not allow his belief to rule his life the way he has in the past. I keep coming back to that...the idea that he is fully prepared to roast his toenails in a hell that is fully real in his mind, but that the idea of doing so will not prevent him from doing anything.... For some reason, it makes me think of the sardonic adage "take heaven for the climate, hell for the company. Love the quote and the adage, and I agree with Darren: Great post!
ReplyDeleteThis quote does represent a certain sober, realistic side of Stephen--the maturity to acknowledge the risk he's taking and the great uncertainty that underlies his pose of calm confidence. I had this moment in mind in class when I pointed out that Stephen understands himself to be taking an enormous risk by leaving Ireland in the way he is--it's not that he no longer believes in God, he's just chosen not to "serve" Him. So while this quote does represent Stephen's "heroic" posture, it also does recall the earlier phase, when he tended to think of himself as a "satanic hero" who was in open rebellion against God. He even quotes Satan to Cranly in this conversation, near this passage: "Non serviam" (I will not serve). So there's some humility and acknowledgment of risk, and there's also a measure of hyperbole and self-dramatization. But maybe in this case, the drama is appropriate. The stakes, as Stephen understands them, are high.
ReplyDeleteMore than Stephen's courage and unaffected-ness by the threat of damnation during and after life, I was surprised by Stephen's conviction that he was right in the present. I mean, I thought it was unusual and all that he was willing to take a risk like this, but people join causes all the time, right? I find it interesting that Stephen chooses art as his great risk--I think that Stephen is very influenced in this quote by his knowledge of the romantic poets he discusses with his fellows.
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