With the end of the year fast approaching, I've started to look back at this year. I've made the usual comments, like "wow I can't believe this year went by so fast!" or me still gaping in awe over the fact that I will be a senior next year, but I haven't really had time to really think about what I did this year. I've been so caught up in the storm of finals and goodbyes and excitement for summer. In retrospect, I am really really happy that I took this course this year. While I may have lacked some interest at some points, but overall I found it to be a great class as it was both educating and engaging. I think, had I taken this class at an earlier age, I wouldn't have really understood the concept of coming of age. This class has helped me understand it a bit better. It's more than just growing up.
Because of this class, I am not going to lie, I sometimes found myself wondering what MY coming of age story was. When was it going to happen? Had it already happened? Was is happening now? I don't think I'll know until I am able to look back and reflect on it later in life. Many of the books we read this semester were narrations of experiences told by future selves, so I don't think that the characters knew those were important moments until they were able to stop and think about it. So, I probably won't know which moments are my important moments until much later. But I think that what I do know is that this year has been a really pivotal year for me. I branched out, made new friends, tried new things, and had new experiences. While this may not be like other coming of age novels, where the protagonist has a problem and they must face it, I think that I have learned so much from this year, and that's what's important to me. Especially this past quarter, I have learned how to deal with stress and manage my time and prioritize things. I learned how to not be afraid to ask for help, and I learned that making new friends isn't as hard as I thought it was. These are the things that make me who I am, and so while this year might not be my coming of age story, it's definitely a piece of the process. What things have you gained from this year?
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Sag Harbor
In the very first few chapters of this novel, we are introduced to the sibling dynamic between Reggie and Benji. I was interested in their interactions, and that's pretty much what I mainly watched for as the story progressed. When Benji said that he and Reggie were slowly growing apart, I wondered if they would have a falling out, or if they would reconcile and again become "Benji n Reggie." When Benji mentioned that people always asked him where Reggie was, I understood that feeling. Being a twin myself, people always expect me to know where my brother is, what he is doing, and what he thinks. I mean, I guess I am somewhat more equipped to answer these questions than other people, I never understood why we were always paired with each other in peoples minds. Like the two brothers in Sag Harbor, my brother and I began to drift apart when I came to uni a year before him. We were no longer referred to as "Maia's brother" or "Daniel's sister." We no longer had to deal with the constant comparison and it felt pretty nice. While we probably aren't as close as we used to be, I think it was good for both of us. The same way Benji learned who he was without Reggie, I learned who I was without my brother.
On a slightly different topic, when Benji is trying to figure out his "identity" over the summer, he is trying to change himself from a nerd to a cool, popular kid. We see him try this through many things, like unsuccessfully changing his name to Ben. All of the adventures that Benji went on, or all the things that the chapters focused on, weren't actually all that adventure like. Most of them were pretty mundane and realistic. I haven't finished the book yet, but it's not like all his stories culminate into this one epic moment where he suddenly transformers from an ugly duckling to a beautiful swan. His experiences at Sag Harbor are just the teenage way of exaggerating and dramatizing everything that ever happens, just think of the head pat incident. From saying all of these things you might get the idea that this is something I don't like about the novel, but it's the opposite of that. I appreciated the novel more because of the fact that almost everything Benji does is normal. I had kind of started to think that all coming of age novels had to have some sort of an exciting story or be centered around a character that led exciting lives. In other books we read this semester, kids my age, like Esther and Holden, did things I would never even think of doing, but here was Benji, just being lazy and slouching on the couch and indulging in guilty music during the summer. He's a normal kid and I can relate to that. I;m excited to see how the book ends!
On a slightly different topic, when Benji is trying to figure out his "identity" over the summer, he is trying to change himself from a nerd to a cool, popular kid. We see him try this through many things, like unsuccessfully changing his name to Ben. All of the adventures that Benji went on, or all the things that the chapters focused on, weren't actually all that adventure like. Most of them were pretty mundane and realistic. I haven't finished the book yet, but it's not like all his stories culminate into this one epic moment where he suddenly transformers from an ugly duckling to a beautiful swan. His experiences at Sag Harbor are just the teenage way of exaggerating and dramatizing everything that ever happens, just think of the head pat incident. From saying all of these things you might get the idea that this is something I don't like about the novel, but it's the opposite of that. I appreciated the novel more because of the fact that almost everything Benji does is normal. I had kind of started to think that all coming of age novels had to have some sort of an exciting story or be centered around a character that led exciting lives. In other books we read this semester, kids my age, like Esther and Holden, did things I would never even think of doing, but here was Benji, just being lazy and slouching on the couch and indulging in guilty music during the summer. He's a normal kid and I can relate to that. I;m excited to see how the book ends!
Sunday, May 10, 2015
BSG ending
Midway through reading Sag Harbor, I think I have decided that Black Swan Green was my favorite novel from the semester. It's not that I disliked other books (in fact Sag Harbor is shaping up to be a good book) but I think I just found the characters in the novel more relatable. I also really enjoyed Jason as both a narrator and a character. I feel like I could go off and list all the reasons why Black Swan Green was my favorite (like strong female characters or a compelling voice) or why I think BSG is a good replacement of the novel Catcher in the Rye (which is pretty much covered in one of Mr. Mitchell's blog posts) but instead I think I'll focus on some things I wish I could change about BSG.
While this is a coming of age story, at the end of the novel I felt like Jason still had a lot of growing up to do. Yes, I know, he is only 13, but for some reason I think I kind of expected a more mature attitude than "I don't care what they think." It just kind of felt like he was ignoring his problems and running away from them. And then the one time that he did stand up for himself, he does it in a way that kind of just copies the actions of his attackers; fighting fire with fire. While it did end up working for him, there must have been a better solution and a different path that I wish Jason could have taken.
The other thing I found kind of frustrating was that fact that pretty much every chapter, and the book in general, ends with a cliff hanger. Sure, in the end Jason was somewhat able to overcome his bullying, got a little bit of confidence after dealing with Neal, and he got the girl, but the whole thing seemed anti-climatic to me. I just don't like cliff hangers. I want to know what happens with Jason at his new school, in his new adventures. Does he keep the image of nobody like he had at the beginning of the novel or does he embrace his stuttering self or does he right away try to get in with the cool crowd? In essence, I just don't think I know who Jason actually wants to be. Maybe I was expecting this big epiphany moment (or maybe I just didn't catch the part where Jason expresses all these things) but really all I got was a very cliche ending (where Julia says something along the lines of life is full of ups and downs or something).
Anyway, overall, I still really enjoyed Black Swan Green. Which novel was your favorite?
While this is a coming of age story, at the end of the novel I felt like Jason still had a lot of growing up to do. Yes, I know, he is only 13, but for some reason I think I kind of expected a more mature attitude than "I don't care what they think." It just kind of felt like he was ignoring his problems and running away from them. And then the one time that he did stand up for himself, he does it in a way that kind of just copies the actions of his attackers; fighting fire with fire. While it did end up working for him, there must have been a better solution and a different path that I wish Jason could have taken.
The other thing I found kind of frustrating was that fact that pretty much every chapter, and the book in general, ends with a cliff hanger. Sure, in the end Jason was somewhat able to overcome his bullying, got a little bit of confidence after dealing with Neal, and he got the girl, but the whole thing seemed anti-climatic to me. I just don't like cliff hangers. I want to know what happens with Jason at his new school, in his new adventures. Does he keep the image of nobody like he had at the beginning of the novel or does he embrace his stuttering self or does he right away try to get in with the cool crowd? In essence, I just don't think I know who Jason actually wants to be. Maybe I was expecting this big epiphany moment (or maybe I just didn't catch the part where Jason expresses all these things) but really all I got was a very cliche ending (where Julia says something along the lines of life is full of ups and downs or something).
Anyway, overall, I still really enjoyed Black Swan Green. Which novel was your favorite?
Friday, April 10, 2015
Beginning a new Book
Black Swan Green has definitely been the book I was excited to read all semester since I have been getting amazing reviews of it since the list of books needed for this course went out. While I enjoyed Catcher in the Rye, and can easily say it was my favorite of the books in this class yet, I think it has met its match with this novel.
I think the main reason I love this book is that dialogue is extremely well crafted and that the plot line itself is something I find pretty interesting. I like that in the first few chapters we are not told right away what hangman or maggot or other personalities of Jason actually are. You have to catch on by yourself. I like this because it makes me feel less like Jason is telling us a story and more like he is living it for himself. Speaking of Jason, as soon as I started reading, I loved his narrative voice. He reminds me of Holden, like we stated in class, but also just a bit like Stephen in the way that he likes to watch and observe.
Another reason why I liked this book is that I feel like this book is going to discuss more on changing and "coming of age" for yourself vs changing and "coming of age" to fit in with someone else. In the first couple of chapters we see several characters alter themselves so someone else will like them better and I wonder if this will become a theme throughout the book. I had never really thought that coming of age was not for yourself, so I am excited to see where this book takes it.
Lastly, in terms of humor, I absolutely love Julia as a character. She knows exactly what to say at the right time and has a massive skill at throwing shade that can be easily overlooked. I think she is a sharp contrast to who Jason is. She is confident and knows who she is and what she wants, while Jason is still figuring it out. This might be because of age difference, but I think Jason could learn something from his sister. So far, I am finding this book to be one I am enjoying and I am excited to see where it goes.
I think the main reason I love this book is that dialogue is extremely well crafted and that the plot line itself is something I find pretty interesting. I like that in the first few chapters we are not told right away what hangman or maggot or other personalities of Jason actually are. You have to catch on by yourself. I like this because it makes me feel less like Jason is telling us a story and more like he is living it for himself. Speaking of Jason, as soon as I started reading, I loved his narrative voice. He reminds me of Holden, like we stated in class, but also just a bit like Stephen in the way that he likes to watch and observe.
Another reason why I liked this book is that I feel like this book is going to discuss more on changing and "coming of age" for yourself vs changing and "coming of age" to fit in with someone else. In the first couple of chapters we see several characters alter themselves so someone else will like them better and I wonder if this will become a theme throughout the book. I had never really thought that coming of age was not for yourself, so I am excited to see where this book takes it.
Lastly, in terms of humor, I absolutely love Julia as a character. She knows exactly what to say at the right time and has a massive skill at throwing shade that can be easily overlooked. I think she is a sharp contrast to who Jason is. She is confident and knows who she is and what she wants, while Jason is still figuring it out. This might be because of age difference, but I think Jason could learn something from his sister. So far, I am finding this book to be one I am enjoying and I am excited to see where it goes.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Sylvie's Impact
Throughout discussion, many people have said (or possibly thought) that Sylvie was a good guardian in the way that she allowed Ruth to be free and to develop into whoever she wanted to be, which, coincidentally, was basically who Sylvie was. But I don't think that this happened because that's what Ruth always wanted. Even though in the book it is shown that Lucille is that one that wants the structure and to follow the rules, I think that Ruth wants a bit of that too. As much as she developed without outside pressure on Sylvie's part, I think that she wanted a parental figure as much as Lucille did, and so she chose to copy Sylvie and become like her. She found structure in being able to emulate someone close to her, even if that wasn't consciously, Sylvie was a big part of Ruth's life and so obviously as a result she was a large influence. I am not saying this is a bad thing (even though I probably could not live like this) I am just saying that the reason Ruth and Sylvie are so alike is because Ruth wanted it to be that way. In her early childhood she didn't have an adult she could rely on, so as soon as she met Sylvie, I think she attached herself to her. However, her personality is differently different than Lucille's and I think that she probably would have had a kind of go with the flow attitude no matter what, I just think that it was brought to the extreme with Sylvie in her life.
On the other hand, I don't think that Lucille would have grown up to be as prissy and lonely or whatever as she is at the end the novel without the influence of Sylvie. She took it to the opposite extreme as Ruth did, and while she probably would have grown up to be one of those people that enjoyed order and rules, I think she would have been a bit more free spirited had she grown up in a conventional household. She might have even enjoyed breaking the rules and being a rebel once in a while, but I guess we'll never know. So anyway I think my point is that while Sylvie may have allowed Ruth and Lucille to be free and grow up mostly on their own, they were definitely shaped and affected by her presence.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Happily ever after.... or not?
Bell Jar ends with an extremely inconclusive scene. She walks into the conference room with all of the doctors and that's where it cuts off. For me at least, I wasn't happy with this ending at all. I was left with a feeling of "well what happened after?" I've been right next to Esther the entire novel and I was dying to know if all worked out. I'm not going to lie, I felt slightly cheated. I mean, I had to watch Esther suffer but I wasn't allowed to see the brighter side of her life? It made me feel like maybe Esther didn't have a bright side to her life, and Sylvia was saving us from realizing that Esther never got over her depression and never recovered. Instead we are left to our own imagination and we are spared the grief of a, well, not happily ever after. Esther might have been mentally healthy at that moment at the end of the book, but who's to say that it wouldn't come back. This is something that even Esther thinks about for herself. Even if Esther was announced as being mentally stable, I don't think that much would change in Esther's life. She would still have her feelings and thoughts and her memories and would essentially be the same person. Hopefully though, she is able to move on and continue living.
Depression isn't something that can just be cured, and I think that since Sylvia Plath suffered from it herself, she knew that and decided it wasn't fair to say that Esther never relapsed. As readers we shouldn't expect anything less, but for me, I really wanted to see Esther live a long happy life. I felt that's what she deserved. I was frustrated with the ending, but I guess I will never know.
Depression isn't something that can just be cured, and I think that since Sylvia Plath suffered from it herself, she knew that and decided it wasn't fair to say that Esther never relapsed. As readers we shouldn't expect anything less, but for me, I really wanted to see Esther live a long happy life. I felt that's what she deserved. I was frustrated with the ending, but I guess I will never know.
Esther, Indecision, and Me.
It is obvious to see the Esther suffers from indecision, or at least it was one of the main characteristics of Esther that has stuck out at me. It might have been because I was looking for it, since we discussed it early on in class, but I'm I think that I find it to be such a major factor on both Esther's emotional and mental health is because I can easily relate to her indecisiveness.
Throughout the book Esther is constantly battling with her indecision or confusion. There are countless examples of this struggle, but there were two that are especially recognizable. One was when she imagines her life represented by a fig tree and each fig tells a different story of a possible future she could have. She knows that she can only choose one, but it's so overwhelming for her and she doesn't know what she really wants so she just sits there, paralyzed with indecision until the figs rot and fall to the ground. This is exactly how I feel. I don't know what I want to do or where I want to go and so I just push off the decision, silently hoping that it will go away. I'm afraid that one day I'll pick a path, or to use the analogy, a fig, and I won't be able to go back. I'm stuck with the fig I chose.
Anyway, the second moment where Esther displays her indecision is when she makes plans for her summer but discards each plan in rapid succession. Nothing seems right to her, she can't find the perfect decision so she chooses to make none. Indecision is a decision of itself, although its probably the worst one you can make. She is filled with ideas but she cant focus on a single one. She's confused and it's easy to see that this indecision makes her the prime subject for a breakdown, which does eventually happen in the book.
Esther feels alone like there is no one that truly understands her, and in the indecisiveness factor of my life, I sometimes feel the same way. People toss around the word "indecisive" so casually but not many understand the huge burden that it can carry. People tell me to move on, that I should just go with my gut instinct, everything will work out, that it doesn't matter. But it does matter and it's not that easy. I feel like I need to know everything that's going on before I even consider making a decision. I let others make my decision for me and I lose my independence. It's actually kind of a weird thought that I can relate to this aspect of Esther's life so easily, because I saw what it did to her, and I have to take a step back and realize that I am in a totally different position.
Throughout the book Esther is constantly battling with her indecision or confusion. There are countless examples of this struggle, but there were two that are especially recognizable. One was when she imagines her life represented by a fig tree and each fig tells a different story of a possible future she could have. She knows that she can only choose one, but it's so overwhelming for her and she doesn't know what she really wants so she just sits there, paralyzed with indecision until the figs rot and fall to the ground. This is exactly how I feel. I don't know what I want to do or where I want to go and so I just push off the decision, silently hoping that it will go away. I'm afraid that one day I'll pick a path, or to use the analogy, a fig, and I won't be able to go back. I'm stuck with the fig I chose.
Anyway, the second moment where Esther displays her indecision is when she makes plans for her summer but discards each plan in rapid succession. Nothing seems right to her, she can't find the perfect decision so she chooses to make none. Indecision is a decision of itself, although its probably the worst one you can make. She is filled with ideas but she cant focus on a single one. She's confused and it's easy to see that this indecision makes her the prime subject for a breakdown, which does eventually happen in the book.
Esther feels alone like there is no one that truly understands her, and in the indecisiveness factor of my life, I sometimes feel the same way. People toss around the word "indecisive" so casually but not many understand the huge burden that it can carry. People tell me to move on, that I should just go with my gut instinct, everything will work out, that it doesn't matter. But it does matter and it's not that easy. I feel like I need to know everything that's going on before I even consider making a decision. I let others make my decision for me and I lose my independence. It's actually kind of a weird thought that I can relate to this aspect of Esther's life so easily, because I saw what it did to her, and I have to take a step back and realize that I am in a totally different position.
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